Gifts

Just to prove that the "GRINCH" actually did such a thing... I have included a picture containing a bit of my forearm/wrist.

Doesn't this look quite festive?

This isn't all of it.

This isn't all of what I had when I took these pictures.

There was more, I just didn't want to be bothered moving it all about to take more pictures.

All of this (some of it not pictured) ended up in five big green trash bags that barely fit into the back of my Dad's car. Trash bags. I know, how tacky. How else was I supposed to move it all?

I had distribted some of the other loot earlier in the week as well.

Wrapping, wrapping, wrapping. Hours and hours spent over a weeks time wrapping.

"You're still wrapping?"

Ummm. Yup.

I even made the ribbon all curly.

Never again. I don't ever want to see ribbons, bows or wrapping paper again.

Yes, that package does say BIOHAZARD. It's for my Cousin. He'll love the wrapping.



Yes, that is electrical tape. It also has this stuck to it. I love the thing that says "Caution Cat Vomit". Unfortunately he wasn't able to make it, so I sent it home with someone to drop off at his Mom's house. He'll get it eventually.

"If we get stopped and they inspect this package we wont get arrested will we?"

LOL. No, you wont, it's all legal. He'll like it.

I guess they didn't get arrested. I would have heard something I think.

Had they been stopped and the package was fully inspected they might have been tho. I put such a bizarre conglomeration of things in that strangely wrapped box.

A "person in authority" might wonder what someone transporting it was up to. It was just an innocent thing and I know they wouldn't get the joke, not knowing my family.

Post 9/11. What a wonderful thing. NOT. Now I have to be worried about giving my Cousin a bunch of weird nonsense. Grrr.

A Water Buffalo?

Apparently I'm helping to feed a water buffalo. I have been assured this is true. Can't I have a picture of the creature as well as the card? What's it's name? I hope they don't just eat it straight off. Can they send me some buffalo jerky? Or maybe some dung?

I guess it's a good cause.

Names witheld/altered in paintbrush for obvious reasons. A water buffalo? They got me a freaking water buffalo? At least the children will have milk I guess.

Merry Christmas

Hey Dad! Where'd you get that shirt? I want one!

Ummm. Errr. That's your Christmas present.

Oh shit, thanks Dad. I love you.

My Dad rocks. Coolest Dad there is. For some very strange reason.... he still loves me. I know I must be a horrible disappointment to him. He still loves me anyway.

Here's my shirt. The really fucked up thing? I didn't get him anything. Fucking Christmas.

I would love to do this

I would love to do this. I'm not gonna go by myself, I don't know anybody who would be remotely interested in going though. The only people I know who might enjoy it are hundreds of miles away.

See, it's not all sex toys and perversion on this blog.

Colonial Feast: A Most Unlikely Dinner

Wednesday, December 26th 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm

Come join George Washington and General Howe, the commander of British forces in America, for a fictitious dinner. What if Washington and Howe had dinner together? The sparks will fly. Imagine the conversation and the attacks, questions and accusations they would launch on each other’s strategies. The ultimate question: Why didn’t Howe eliminate Washington when he had the chance? Do you know the answer? A delightful evening with humorous asides and sharp and pithy arguments performed by the American Historical Theatre. While dinner is being served, Spiced Punch, a dynamic musical quartet accompanied by guitar, fife and penny whistle, will stroll through the dining hall singing Colonial-era songs of love, war and holiday cheer.

Reservations required. Standard admission is $35 per person. Premiere admission (including front tier seating and a private reception before the show) is $75 per person and goes to support all Patriots’ Week programming. Price includes tax and gratuity. Alcoholic beverages are available for purchase.

Office party

I think that I shall have a very happy girl to deal with at Christmas.

The guy I know... the one that owns a jewelry store... Well, he works where I do as his regular job.

Today was the "Holiday Party" at work, at Christmas he has a free drawing for customers that he works with.

I wish people would stop being so politically correct, it's freaking Christmas or whatever the heck you celebrate. Call it Chanukah, Kwanzaa, call it The Feast of Greed. Stop the nonsense. It is what it is. Shove that "Holiday Party" nonsense up your nose.

Anyway... guess who won? Can you?

Oooohhh!!! The women were pissed!!! How come a guy won? What the heck is this? That's ladies jewelry!

His "assistant" shut them up real quick. "Bryan buys stuff from ***** for his wife, it's only fair that the men get a chance too. Now shut up!!"

Hahahahahaha!! My wife!!! Nice. I guess they haven't all figured out I'm a fag after all these years.

I'm gonna let her think I bought it, at least for a little while. I will tell her the truth though.

She really is a girl... and she's my best friend. We've known each other since we were 16.

Here 'ya go. 14k white gold with diamonds. The stones are cubic zirc thingies though. It's much nicer than it looks in the pictures. She'll need a better chain though, that one is crap.

**update**

Hmm. Monk is right...

Those are a bit blurry.

I cant find the same one. This one is almost the same... sort of. (The one I've got is skinnier and longer.)

It has real diamonds and sells at Zales for $700 (on sale). The one I won is cubic.

It's a....????

I don't know what.

I'm finding these things terribly amusimg. I guess sleep deprivation will do that.

It needs sound. So turn it on. It'll completely suck otherwise.

Yes, the cute little child is............ ME! Who else would it be?

It's a Wonderful??? whatever.

Why do I even bother? Nobody reads this shit.

I have a new Christmas tree topper.

Isn't it cute!

Ok, it's really a rather large lighted vibrating butt plug.

I haven't used it, nor do I intend to.

I've had... errr.... nevermind.

That thing ain't going there. No. No. No.

I got it when I stayed at the motel across from the porn emporium a while ago.

Hey, it was on clearance! I thought it would be festive! It has a suction cup on the bottom. Maybe I can stick it on my forehead.

I'm tellin 'ya... you can get some great deals in the clearance sections.

Jewel Cases

I have too much shit. I needed to do something with all my cds so I started putting them in those flat pocketed cases... What to do with all these "jewel cases"?

**looks on internet** They aren't recyclable. Nice. :-(


Donate them to your Library! Sell them on eBay! Nobody want's these cracked nasty things. I have hundreds of them.

The ones I had the time to deal with (pictured here) ended up in the trash. They'll live in some landfill until after one of the next ice ages ends... (or the sun goes nova)... some creature might unearth them and stare at them in awe!

Stupid fucking people. Don't you realize what you're doing? You don't need every next generation thing the second it comes out.

I'm guilty myself. I shouldn't cast stones. I try to do my part though. I'm disgusted by those who just don't seem to care.

I think...

my girlfriend will be rather pleased this Christmas. (she doesn't read this thing)

Whadda 'ya think?

14 carat with channel set diamonds. Very pretty.

Ok, they're cubic zirconia things. She knows how much they would cost if they had real diamonds.

She wouldn't want them, much less wear them if they were real.

It ain't much, but these are real. 14 carat, .16 diamonds and a .95 emerald.

Very pretty.

Wholesale baby. Wholesale.

Well, they weren't quite wholesale.

Still way too expensive.


I kinda know somebody who owns a jewelry store.

Jingle Bells

I was looking for variations of the song below, hoping to find it's origin. They're all pretty much the same. The second verse here Is attributed to the "Simpson's" cartoon. Bart sang it.

Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away

Batman's in
the kitchen
Robin's in the hall
Joker's in the bathroom
Peeing on
the wall

I had forgotten about this song.

I'M A NUT

I'm an acorn small and round

Lying on the cold, cold ground.

Everybody steps on me, That is why I'm cracked, you
see.

chorus

I'm a nut *snap *snap I'm a nut *snap *snap

I'm a nut, I'm a nut, I'm a nut. *snap *snap*

Called myself on the telephoneJust to see if I was home.

Asked me out for a little date. Picked me up at a quarter to eight.

chorus

Took me out to the movie show

Stayed too late and said, "Let's go."

Took my hand and led me out.

Drove me home and gave a shout.

I'm a nut.

Then there's the worm song.

Nobody loves me everybody hates me, think I'll eat a worm...

And my point is? There is no point.

This thing below is just so wrong. Just Wrong. Gilligan's Isle meets Stairway to Heaven? That's not right. **sigh**

**THUD**

I have new wallpaper on my desktop.

He's wearing "push-up" briefs. I just know it. (or a sock) Is that a codpiece?

I have a pair of undies that make my ass look like it was 20 again, not very comfortable tho.

Happy Holidays

Here's your Holiday Card. If it doesn't work I guess you just don't get one then.

Click It. It takes a while.

It's all about me you know.

Snowball Fight

More Stupidity

My roots were showing really bad and something needed to be done. I had it colored and got a perm this time.



It's not exactly what I was going for.

Hey, everybody should have a rainbow clown wig. No?

It was a Halloween leftover. I only paid a quarter for it. It scares the heck out of my Dad's dogs. BARK! BARK!! BARK!!! BARK!!!!....

Then I whip it off and toss it into the other room where they can't see it/get to it and they're thrilled to see me. (Is that cruel? Silly dogs. It was worth the 25 cents for the entertainment value.) Dogs are supposed to have a superior sense of smell, they should realize that it's just me.

Maybe they're worried that an alien is eating my brain. I don't think I ever posted a picture of the one dog. He looks like an alien, or an ugly muppet Jim Henson tossed away. I give you Clyde, the ugly muppet reject.

Isn't he the ugliest little thing? His eyes don't bulge out like that, it's just the picure. I had him in my clutches and he wanted to run away and attack his squeaky wiener dog toy.

Unique

Well, I'm certainly unique. I don't deny that. We're all unique.

I took this at the bus stop the other day.

Unique is good... but did this dude know his picture would end up on such a fruity lookng poster that's all over the darned place? The full sized version is a bit worse, I couldn't get the whole thing.

I'm sure he's a nice guy and all... they could have warned him... maybe they did. He is cute, he's really cute, but the poster is queer. (Dude, if you read this I'm sorry, but it is.)

Oh my.

Damn. I think I need to go to a tanning salon.

I always was pale. My heritage is of the pale european sort. I burn very easily so I stay out of the sun.

How can that arm and those legs be attached to the same person?

Yes, I'm in the bathtub.

How will you die?

Well, isn't that just lovely. At least it got the "skulking" part right. I wouldn't say I "evilly skulk". Let's try it again.

In a hot tub huh? That's quite possible.

"their lover"? Plural? I do have different sides. Maybe I should start to refer to myself using the royal "We" thing...

"We think thou art completely obnoxious. Forsooth, your absurd lunacy should condenm you to be locked in the highest tower of the castle."

That sort of thing.

Chuck Norris?!?!? Well, he was hot way back when. I'd have done him way back in the olden days, so I guess that's appropriate.

'What will your obituary say?'