Gifts

Just to prove that the "GRINCH" actually did such a thing... I have included a picture containing a bit of my forearm/wrist.

Doesn't this look quite festive?

This isn't all of it.

This isn't all of what I had when I took these pictures.

There was more, I just didn't want to be bothered moving it all about to take more pictures.

All of this (some of it not pictured) ended up in five big green trash bags that barely fit into the back of my Dad's car. Trash bags. I know, how tacky. How else was I supposed to move it all?

I had distribted some of the other loot earlier in the week as well.

Wrapping, wrapping, wrapping. Hours and hours spent over a weeks time wrapping.

"You're still wrapping?"

Ummm. Yup.

I even made the ribbon all curly.

Never again. I don't ever want to see ribbons, bows or wrapping paper again.

Yes, that package does say BIOHAZARD. It's for my Cousin. He'll love the wrapping.



Yes, that is electrical tape. It also has this stuck to it. I love the thing that says "Caution Cat Vomit". Unfortunately he wasn't able to make it, so I sent it home with someone to drop off at his Mom's house. He'll get it eventually.

"If we get stopped and they inspect this package we wont get arrested will we?"

LOL. No, you wont, it's all legal. He'll like it.

I guess they didn't get arrested. I would have heard something I think.

Had they been stopped and the package was fully inspected they might have been tho. I put such a bizarre conglomeration of things in that strangely wrapped box.

A "person in authority" might wonder what someone transporting it was up to. It was just an innocent thing and I know they wouldn't get the joke, not knowing my family.

Post 9/11. What a wonderful thing. NOT. Now I have to be worried about giving my Cousin a bunch of weird nonsense. Grrr.

A Water Buffalo?

Apparently I'm helping to feed a water buffalo. I have been assured this is true. Can't I have a picture of the creature as well as the card? What's it's name? I hope they don't just eat it straight off. Can they send me some buffalo jerky? Or maybe some dung?

I guess it's a good cause.

Names witheld/altered in paintbrush for obvious reasons. A water buffalo? They got me a freaking water buffalo? At least the children will have milk I guess.

Merry Christmas

Hey Dad! Where'd you get that shirt? I want one!

Ummm. Errr. That's your Christmas present.

Oh shit, thanks Dad. I love you.

My Dad rocks. Coolest Dad there is. For some very strange reason.... he still loves me. I know I must be a horrible disappointment to him. He still loves me anyway.

Here's my shirt. The really fucked up thing? I didn't get him anything. Fucking Christmas.

I would love to do this

I would love to do this. I'm not gonna go by myself, I don't know anybody who would be remotely interested in going though. The only people I know who might enjoy it are hundreds of miles away.

See, it's not all sex toys and perversion on this blog.

Colonial Feast: A Most Unlikely Dinner

Wednesday, December 26th 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm

Come join George Washington and General Howe, the commander of British forces in America, for a fictitious dinner. What if Washington and Howe had dinner together? The sparks will fly. Imagine the conversation and the attacks, questions and accusations they would launch on each other’s strategies. The ultimate question: Why didn’t Howe eliminate Washington when he had the chance? Do you know the answer? A delightful evening with humorous asides and sharp and pithy arguments performed by the American Historical Theatre. While dinner is being served, Spiced Punch, a dynamic musical quartet accompanied by guitar, fife and penny whistle, will stroll through the dining hall singing Colonial-era songs of love, war and holiday cheer.

Reservations required. Standard admission is $35 per person. Premiere admission (including front tier seating and a private reception before the show) is $75 per person and goes to support all Patriots’ Week programming. Price includes tax and gratuity. Alcoholic beverages are available for purchase.

Office party

I think that I shall have a very happy girl to deal with at Christmas.

The guy I know... the one that owns a jewelry store... Well, he works where I do as his regular job.

Today was the "Holiday Party" at work, at Christmas he has a free drawing for customers that he works with.

I wish people would stop being so politically correct, it's freaking Christmas or whatever the heck you celebrate. Call it Chanukah, Kwanzaa, call it The Feast of Greed. Stop the nonsense. It is what it is. Shove that "Holiday Party" nonsense up your nose.

Anyway... guess who won? Can you?

Oooohhh!!! The women were pissed!!! How come a guy won? What the heck is this? That's ladies jewelry!

His "assistant" shut them up real quick. "Bryan buys stuff from ***** for his wife, it's only fair that the men get a chance too. Now shut up!!"

Hahahahahaha!! My wife!!! Nice. I guess they haven't all figured out I'm a fag after all these years.

I'm gonna let her think I bought it, at least for a little while. I will tell her the truth though.

She really is a girl... and she's my best friend. We've known each other since we were 16.

Here 'ya go. 14k white gold with diamonds. The stones are cubic zirc thingies though. It's much nicer than it looks in the pictures. She'll need a better chain though, that one is crap.

**update**

Hmm. Monk is right...

Those are a bit blurry.

I cant find the same one. This one is almost the same... sort of. (The one I've got is skinnier and longer.)

It has real diamonds and sells at Zales for $700 (on sale). The one I won is cubic.

It's a....????

I don't know what.

I'm finding these things terribly amusimg. I guess sleep deprivation will do that.

It needs sound. So turn it on. It'll completely suck otherwise.

Yes, the cute little child is............ ME! Who else would it be?

It's a Wonderful??? whatever.

Why do I even bother? Nobody reads this shit.

I have a new Christmas tree topper.

Isn't it cute!

Ok, it's really a rather large lighted vibrating butt plug.

I haven't used it, nor do I intend to.

I've had... errr.... nevermind.

That thing ain't going there. No. No. No.

I got it when I stayed at the motel across from the porn emporium a while ago.

Hey, it was on clearance! I thought it would be festive! It has a suction cup on the bottom. Maybe I can stick it on my forehead.

I'm tellin 'ya... you can get some great deals in the clearance sections.

Jewel Cases

I have too much shit. I needed to do something with all my cds so I started putting them in those flat pocketed cases... What to do with all these "jewel cases"?

**looks on internet** They aren't recyclable. Nice. :-(


Donate them to your Library! Sell them on eBay! Nobody want's these cracked nasty things. I have hundreds of them.

The ones I had the time to deal with (pictured here) ended up in the trash. They'll live in some landfill until after one of the next ice ages ends... (or the sun goes nova)... some creature might unearth them and stare at them in awe!

Stupid fucking people. Don't you realize what you're doing? You don't need every next generation thing the second it comes out.

I'm guilty myself. I shouldn't cast stones. I try to do my part though. I'm disgusted by those who just don't seem to care.

I think...

my girlfriend will be rather pleased this Christmas. (she doesn't read this thing)

Whadda 'ya think?

14 carat with channel set diamonds. Very pretty.

Ok, they're cubic zirconia things. She knows how much they would cost if they had real diamonds.

She wouldn't want them, much less wear them if they were real.

It ain't much, but these are real. 14 carat, .16 diamonds and a .95 emerald.

Very pretty.

Wholesale baby. Wholesale.

Well, they weren't quite wholesale.

Still way too expensive.


I kinda know somebody who owns a jewelry store.

Jingle Bells

I was looking for variations of the song below, hoping to find it's origin. They're all pretty much the same. The second verse here Is attributed to the "Simpson's" cartoon. Bart sang it.

Jingle Bells, Batman smells
Robin laid an egg
The Batmobile lost a wheel
And the Joker got away

Batman's in
the kitchen
Robin's in the hall
Joker's in the bathroom
Peeing on
the wall

I had forgotten about this song.

I'M A NUT

I'm an acorn small and round

Lying on the cold, cold ground.

Everybody steps on me, That is why I'm cracked, you
see.

chorus

I'm a nut *snap *snap I'm a nut *snap *snap

I'm a nut, I'm a nut, I'm a nut. *snap *snap*

Called myself on the telephoneJust to see if I was home.

Asked me out for a little date. Picked me up at a quarter to eight.

chorus

Took me out to the movie show

Stayed too late and said, "Let's go."

Took my hand and led me out.

Drove me home and gave a shout.

I'm a nut.

Then there's the worm song.

Nobody loves me everybody hates me, think I'll eat a worm...

And my point is? There is no point.

This thing below is just so wrong. Just Wrong. Gilligan's Isle meets Stairway to Heaven? That's not right. **sigh**

**THUD**

I have new wallpaper on my desktop.

He's wearing "push-up" briefs. I just know it. (or a sock) Is that a codpiece?

I have a pair of undies that make my ass look like it was 20 again, not very comfortable tho.

Happy Holidays

Here's your Holiday Card. If it doesn't work I guess you just don't get one then.

Click It. It takes a while.

It's all about me you know.

Snowball Fight

More Stupidity

My roots were showing really bad and something needed to be done. I had it colored and got a perm this time.



It's not exactly what I was going for.

Hey, everybody should have a rainbow clown wig. No?

It was a Halloween leftover. I only paid a quarter for it. It scares the heck out of my Dad's dogs. BARK! BARK!! BARK!!! BARK!!!!....

Then I whip it off and toss it into the other room where they can't see it/get to it and they're thrilled to see me. (Is that cruel? Silly dogs. It was worth the 25 cents for the entertainment value.) Dogs are supposed to have a superior sense of smell, they should realize that it's just me.

Maybe they're worried that an alien is eating my brain. I don't think I ever posted a picture of the one dog. He looks like an alien, or an ugly muppet Jim Henson tossed away. I give you Clyde, the ugly muppet reject.

Isn't he the ugliest little thing? His eyes don't bulge out like that, it's just the picure. I had him in my clutches and he wanted to run away and attack his squeaky wiener dog toy.

Unique

Well, I'm certainly unique. I don't deny that. We're all unique.

I took this at the bus stop the other day.

Unique is good... but did this dude know his picture would end up on such a fruity lookng poster that's all over the darned place? The full sized version is a bit worse, I couldn't get the whole thing.

I'm sure he's a nice guy and all... they could have warned him... maybe they did. He is cute, he's really cute, but the poster is queer. (Dude, if you read this I'm sorry, but it is.)

Oh my.

Damn. I think I need to go to a tanning salon.

I always was pale. My heritage is of the pale european sort. I burn very easily so I stay out of the sun.

How can that arm and those legs be attached to the same person?

Yes, I'm in the bathtub.

How will you die?

Well, isn't that just lovely. At least it got the "skulking" part right. I wouldn't say I "evilly skulk". Let's try it again.

In a hot tub huh? That's quite possible.

"their lover"? Plural? I do have different sides. Maybe I should start to refer to myself using the royal "We" thing...

"We think thou art completely obnoxious. Forsooth, your absurd lunacy should condenm you to be locked in the highest tower of the castle."

That sort of thing.

Chuck Norris?!?!? Well, he was hot way back when. I'd have done him way back in the olden days, so I guess that's appropriate.

'What will your obituary say?'

Indulge.... Part 2.

I needed to Indulge again.

After getting sucker punched and robbed I thought I deserved a getaway.

Yeah, that was real fun. It's been a month and my jaw is just beginning to feel normal. I still can't hear out of that ear properly, I haven't been able to in a long time, but since I got punched it's worse than it used to be.

Here's my weekend from 10/26. (I barely got around to starting this post, I didn't finish it until now. )

This place was a hell of a lot nicer than the last place I tubbed at.

It was harder for me to get to (I had to have friends drop me off) but it was worth it... It was much cleaner than the last place I went to...

That was a pay by the hour place. Ewwww.

This place had a 7-11, a pizza parlor and an adult bookstore all within a blocks walk. That was cool. The nearest liquor store was two miles away though. What the hell? I can walk across the highway, get porn, possibly get a blowjob in the back room or behind the building but I can't buy booze nearby? Stupid.

The twenty-something guy who seemed to live in the pizza place was darned hot. I ate like a pig that weekend, I was terribly hungry. I must have been in there at least eight times. He was there every time. Poor guy must work like hell. It's a family business, I figure he's the owner's nephew or something...

Even though this place is a national chain motel, how the hell do I know what went on in that tub? The staff must make minium wage, (I'd like to think they're doing their job) so of course I brought cleaning supplies and sterilized everything I might touch.

Come on, it's a robin's egg blue heart shaped tub. It's near a truck stop. It's across the road from a porn emporium.

You can't tell me that some really strange stuff hasn't happened in that tub. I won't believe you. I'm not stupid. Lysol and bleach were necessary items.

Some strange stuff happened while I was there, and I behave myself (mostly).

I did bring more than I needed to. The dvd player was a good idea, I plugged it in and I got to watch my Artie Lange dvd.

I brought other stuff too.

I brought lots of stuff.

I always bring too much. Then I leave with even more than I came with.

Nice huh? It was a no smoking room, that sucked. Lighting tons of candles isn't smoking though! A possible fire hazard, yes, but they aren't tobacco.

So, People magazine nominated Matt Damon as this years Sexiest Man Alive.

Sure he's hot. He's really darned hot sometimes. Like in this picture here.

He's just cute most of the time. Sexiest Man Alive?

Excuse me. I beg to differ.

Sexiest Man Alive would be this guy.

Now he's sexy.

Totally freaking hot.

I would do terribly naughty things with him.

Things you wouldn't ever want your mother to know you did.

Can't you just feel the heat radiating from your monitor?

----------------

I met an interesting couple when I ran over to the pizza joint for food. They seemed really nice so I invited them back to my room to hang out.

They weren't quite like what I expected.

I got more than I bargained for.

They were swingers.

Very kinky ones.

I just wanted to chill, eat my hot wings and my salad, watch some tv and hang out.

They had other things in mind.

They were a very strange couple.

She decided she liked me and wasn't paying any attention to him... he got jealous and angry.

That's when he went berserk and stormed out of the room.

I followed him and tried to calm him down.

He climbed on top of the Coke machine and started beating it furiously. I had no idea what to do.

That's when he flung himself out the window.

I tried to stop him.

He was just too strong.

He died on the pavement below.

It was a horrible sight to behold.

I tried to console her, she was terribly distraught.

I don't know If I'll see her again.

**DISCLAIMER**

There really wasn't any "plasticy delight" going on in any of those photos. There wasn't any going on at all. I was in a motel on a 4-6 lane highway with nobody to amuse me and no mass transportation... so I walked over to the adult bookstore, raided the clearance rack and managed to amuse myself by creating that strange little story.

The clearance rack in an adult store can be quite interesting. I picked up a few Christmas gifts.

I did leave him hanging from that window, it's a "breezeway" on an upper level that anyone can access. He was gone in the morning. I wonder what people thought.

Hey, I'm gettin kinda old. I hurt. I've decided I need a jacuzzi tub now and then.

MILLIONS OF CATS

By Wanda Gag. (Pronouced "Gaag - to rhyme with jog, not with bag.) Thank you Handmaiden, that's kind of how I felt with all those cats about!

I found a copy online, with pictures... and it has a translation into Hindi! No idea if it's accurate. It's in Adobe .pdf format and it's here. I bet that's a blast from the past.

MILLIONS OF CATS

Once upon a time there was a very old man and a very old woman. They lived in a nice clean house which had flowers all around it, except where the door was. But they couldn’t be happy because they were so very lonely.

“If only we had a cat!” sighed the very old woman.
“A cat?” asked the very old man.
“Yes, a sweet little fluffy cat,” said the very old woman.
“I will get you a cat, my dear,” said the very old man.

And he set out over the hills to look for one. He climbed over the sunny hills. He trudged through the cool valleys. He walked a long, long time and at last he came to a hill which was quite covered with cats.

Cats here, cats there,
Cats and kittens, everywhere,
Hundreds of cats,
Thousand of cats,
Millions and billions and trillions of cats.

“Oh,” cried the old man joyfully, “Now I can choose the prettiest cat and take it home with me!” So he chose one. It was white.
But just as he was about to leave, he saw another one all black and white and it seemed just as pretty as the first. So he took this one also.

But then he saw a fuzzy gray kitten way over here which was every bit as pretty as the others so he took it too.
And now he saw one way down in a corner, which he thought too lovely to leave so he took this too.

And just then, over here, the very old man found a kitten, which was black and very beautiful.
“It would be a shame to leave that one,” said the very old man. So he took it.

And now, over there, he saw a cat, which had brown and yellow stripes like a baby tiger. “I simply must take it!” cried the very old man,
and he did.

So it happened that every time the very old man looked up, he saw another cat which was so pretty he could not bear to leave it, and before he knew it, he had chosen them all.

And so he went back over the sunny hills and down through the cool valleys, to show all his pretty kittens to the very old woman. It was very funny to see those hundreds and thousands and millions and billions and trillions of cats following him.

They came to a pond.
“Mew, mew! We are thirsty!” cried the
Hundreds of cats,
Thousands of cats,
Millions and billions and trillions of cats.

“Well, here is a great deal of water,” said the very old man.
Each cat took a sip of water, and the pond was gone!

“Mew, mew! Now we are hungry!” said the
Hundreds of cats,
Thousands of cats,
Millions and billions and trillions of cats.

"There is much grass on the hills,” said the very old man.
Each cat ate a mouthful of grass and not a blade was left!

Pretty soon the very old woman saw them coming.
“My dear!” she cried, “What are you doing?
I asked for one little cat, and what do I see?

"Cats here, cats there,
Cats and kittens everywhere,
Hundreds of cats,
Thousands of cats,
Millions and billions and trillions of cats.

"But we can never feed them all,” said the very old woman, “They will eat us out of house and home.”
“I never thought of that,’ said the very old man, “What shall we do?”
The very old woman thought for a while and then she said, “I know! I will let the cats decide which one we should keep.”
“Oh yes,” said the very old man, and he called to the cats, “Which one of you is the prettiest?”
“I am!”
“I am!”
“No, I am!”
“No, I am the prettiest!” “I am!”
“No, I am! I am! I am! ” cried hundreds and thousands and millions and billions and trillions of voices, for each cat thought itself the prettiest.
And they began to quarrel.

They bit and scratched and clawed each other and made such a great noise that the very old man and the very old woman ran into the house as fast as they could. They did not like such quarrelling. But after a while the noise stopped and the very old man and the very old woman peeped out of the window to see what had happened. They could not see a single cat!

"I think they must have eaten each other all up,” said the very old woman, “It’s too bad!”
“But look!” said the very old man, and he pointed to a bunch of high grass. In it sat one little frightened kitten. They went out and picked it up. It was thin and scraggly.

'Poor little kitty,” said the very old woman.
“Dear little kitty,” said the very old man, “how does it happen that you were not
eaten up with all those hundreds and thousands and millions and billions and trillions of cats?”
“Oh, I’m just a very homely little cat,” said the kitten, “So when you asked who was the prettiest, I didn’t say anything. So nobody bothered about me.

They took the kitten into the house, where the very old woman gave it a warm bath and brushed its fur until it was soft and shiny.

Every day they gave it plenty of milk... and soon it grew nice and plump.

"And it is a very pretty cat, after all!” said the very old woman.
“It is the most beautiful cat in the whole world,” said the very old man.
“I ought to know, for I’ve seen Hundreds of cats, Thousands of cats, Millions and billions and trillions of cats, and not one was as pretty as this one."

I missed the last train.

So I'm here until morning. With the 300893647231 cats.

Here's my arm, a case of water, Gomez (I really like him), my left sneaker and a hamper. Enjoy.

The Continuing Adventures of.... ME!!!

I went to Atlantic City With my Sister and her Husband Saturday. We had a nice time. He decided that he didn't want to drive all the way home in the dark so I had booked a room at the Econo Lodge for the three of us.... Not a problem, since he invited me along and paid for my ticket.


















Don't I look Tré Sexy in my new concert tee?

The concert was unbelievably good. It was over two hours. I kept wondering when they'd run out of things to play.... but thinking about it, with a career spanning as long as his has I'm suprised the show wasn't longer!

I fell into hysterical laughter at one point and had to stifle myself.

Never In my life did I ever expect to see what was going on. I'm not exactly a spring chicken... but there were hundreds of us old farts rocking out and "partying like it was 1999". There were people who had to be 70 dancing in the aisles and jumping around like they were still in their twenties. It was an awesome sight to behold! I was expecting someone to keel over. Fortunately nobody did. I guess you are never too old to rock and roll, just too young to die.


There were plenty of young people there too, couples who were in their twenties.

John is looking pretty good too. I'd expected worse. He sounds great. Here's a couple of crappy pictures.






Borgata security was pretty good at making sure nobody took any.


They didn't take anybody's phone or camera, they just made sure they stopped taking a visual or audio record of the show. Everyone seemed to comply.


I didn't get caught. I just have these two.



What's the big deal? Unless you have a really pricey super duper phone you just get shitty pictures at concerts anyway.

(Unless you have really good expensive tickets to see Genesis :) I could have reached over and touched Phil's groupie or whoever she was.)

The seats were better than they look from those crap pictures. I was 50-75 feet away I guess. Here's my ticket.




The Borgata has some very odd decor. These looked like blown glass. (There was also some "art" that consisted of apples. Real Fresh Normal Regular Apples. I know damned well that those hundreds of apples will end up in a landfill or something. They won't go to the poor and homeless in AC. Disgusting.)


I know that's blurry. It doesn't matter. It was darned ugly to begin with. It must have been 50 feet tall.





And what the hell is this thing supposed to be? Some mutant alien brain descending from the ceiling?




They're a matching set. There were more of the same sort scattered about. I didn't bother to take pictures of them, they were all horrible.


I was too busy looking at all the hotties.





I think the Very Hot, Very Tall Man Factory must have exploded and the prevailing wind blew them over to the casino.


6'2", 6'6"! OMG! He must be 6'10"!! All way too hot for me. Looked like they work out every other day. Nice on the eyes though.

There were plenty of gay boys too. Most of them were couples.

Here's some of the cocktail waitresses for any of the straight guys who might read this mess of a blog. (Sorry the pic isn't so good, I stole it, it was really dark, this is the result after messing with it.) They're pretty darned hot.



We had dinner at "Fat Burger" in the casino. If you have one near you try it out, it's a bit better than your usual fast food burger.

I also had "Tiramisu" for the first time. Figured I'd try something I'd never had before. I wasn't impressed.

After the show we went back to the motel.... I was totally bored being the night owl that I am, so I walked over to Bally's and lost $80.00 in the slots. It took a while. I didn't get back to the room untill around 3:30 am.

I was up 300.00 at one point. I should have stopped while I was ahead.

Meow?

I'm sort of pet sitting and house watching for friends. The going back and forth got to be a bit much so I parked my ass in the house. Gee, I look terrible.

I think I'm wearing her daughter's shirt. I don't recall ever seeing her wear it. I'm wearing a shirt with doggies and tulips on it. WTF?

It was simpler than going home for another change of clothes. I like doggies and flowers are nice. Tulips aren't one of my favorites.

There are nine cats in this house. No wonder she seems so stressed sometimes. There's a bunch of stuff going on in many aspects of her life.

Here's some of the kitties. They're terribly adorable! I understand why there are so many... I'd take them home with me if I could. I can barely take care of me.... a bunch of animals is out of the question.

That's Sam by the keyboard. He has a respiratory problem. Wonderful kitty.

<--- Oscar!!! Oscar likes me too!!

<----- That would be Gomez. He's huge. Like 45 pounds huge. I really like him.

Since refrigerators seem to be an in thing... Here's the one where I'm hanging out.



I also saw Blue Man Group tonight. Here's a crappy picture from that show.

You need to try...

and let it go. You know you do. It's hard as hell, I know. I do. Please let it go.

Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day
When there's got to be no chance for me
My life would end and it doesn't matter how I cry
My tears of love are a waste of time
If I turn away am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do

If I can't have you, I don't want nobody baby
If I can't have you ah ah, I can't have you
I don't want nobody baby, if I can't have you ah ah

Can't let go and it doesn't matter how I try
I gave it all so easily to you my love
To dreams that never will come true
Am I strong enough to see it through
Go crazy is what I will do

Yvonne Elliman

This fits too. I guess. Sort of.

I don't know how to love him.
What to do, how to move him.
I've been changed, yes really changed.
In these past few days, when I've seen myself,
I seem like someone else.
I don't know how to take this.
I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man. He's just a man...

Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love,
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this.
What's it all about?

Yvonne Elliman again. I didn't realize she was almost prehistoric.

Try and let it go. Please.

Yes, I have those two songs playing... over and over and over.

I understand.