Huh?

I'm gonna rub it against my hard rubber. I'm gonna cover it in fungus. lol

It was funny at the time. I'd certainly eat it.

Ouch.

Getting punched in the head and robbed isn't very much fun. At least the Detective who ended up taking all the information and went through the mug shots with me was cute.

He has a pretty wife and nice looking kids, there was a picture on his desk. I was slightly tempted to flirt witn him. He was very nice. He's got a wife and kids though. He might fool around with men, women, farm animals, how do I know? He's married tho and I don't play that way.

I just took this. It's five days later. I didn't photoshop it to make it better or worse. I only took that one pic. I bruise up nicely don't I?

6:00 am saturday

Bryan! You didn't have to do that. I don't want you coming all this way. I don't want you getting hurt either.

*blind guy*, it kept me out of trouble and relatively sober. I got over here and brought fresh coffee, I think it's fresh, it was still dripping into the pot, all in under 40 minutes.

But Bryan, you didn't have to. I don't want you to get hurt. I would have made **** stop and get me coffee.

Dude, you're the only person who would actually understand and appreciate the bike ride I just took. Headphones on, music blaring, riding down sidewalks and jumping off curbs. "Go Bryan, go. Gotta get there. Bring coffee. Speed Racer!" What other time of day can I use all 4 lanes of ***** Drive? I enjoyed it and you have coffee!

I feel really sick. *eating* I don't even want this but I have to eat. My sugar was just 29 before you came in, any lower and it wouldn't register. I need to go to the bathroom too, but I won't be able to for another two hours... then I'm stuck to that machine. What time is it? Where the heck is ****?

It's almost ten after, She usually gets here quarter after right?

Yup. **eating** Thank you for the coffee.

Oh! Hi Bryan! Did you just get here? ** thinks to self, "Uhhh, no. I was here 20 minutes ago. why are you always so late" **

Hi ****, I'd tell you I took him out to the tittie bars again but that one is getting old. I don't have to tell you this, you already know, Your Sister Is An Idiot!!!....

....... I went to give him a hug and a kiss before he got in the car to go to dialysis and I accidentally bonked him on the head with the brim of my baseball cap. Poor guy never gets a break.

This is getting...

very silly. Next I'm going to see Blue Man Group (again) then John Fogerty the next night.


Michael was great. His voice is same as it alwas was. He played his solo stuff and a bunch of Doobie Brothers songs. Good show. It's really a shame that the darned place was almost empty.

I know he's not really current, but he does have a fairly large fan base even now. I bought my tickets, even though one of the local radio stations was giving tickets away left and right. The tickets weren't selling and they were trying to fill the place up, it didn't work. There were maybe 200 people there and thats being generous with my estimate.

I took the blind guy with me (No, not Joe), he enjoyed it very much. It was a bittersweet thing... seeing him enjoying himself listening to the music was wonderful. Woahooo, Listen to the music... But at the same time it was awful watching him try to watch something he couldn't see. I watched him more than I actually watched the stage.


Blues Traveler kicked butt. John Popper sure can wail away on that harmonica. The place was almost full, but again, the tickets must not have been selling and were given out as freebies.

Excuse me, but if you're any sort of Blues Traveller fan you don't get up and leave when they're preforming in an 1800 seat venue. You Just Don't. About 2/3 into the show the place emptied out... so I took my sorry ass up front and parked it in the 4th row center stage. If I was much closer I would have gotten fat man sweat on me. Actually he's not that fat anymore. He almost had a heart attack in 99 and needed an angioplasty, then he had gastric bypass surgery so he'd lose all that weight.

I forgot that they did this. They record the show through the soundboard. For ten bucks I got a cd of the show I was at. How fucking cool is that?




This was awesome. If you don't know who Loreena McKennitt is you need to seek her out and give her a listen. Her music is best described as Celtic but it's not just that. It's a mixture of other cultures as well. Truly beautiful music. Her site is here.

She doesn't tour regularly. I had never seen her perform live until last night. Truly amazing. I have never heard anyone sing live and sound like that. She has a vioce that almost brings tears to your eyes. If I have a chance to see her again I certainly will go if I am able.

That concert definitely made my day much better...

Two punks on bicycles jumped me on my way home from work. One sucker punched me, jumped off his bike and charged at me and the other grabbed my phone. They both took off.

I'm ok. I'm not hurt. I may have a some sort of jaw fracture. I don't know. It doesn't hurt but it feels strange. If it was just one of them I'd have been able to take him down, but two? Nope. They wouldn't have tried that shit alone.

I've seen these punks in the neighborhood, so they have some idea where I live. I ordered pepper spray last night. Different kinds, one brand has dye in it. If they come after me again, not only will they be in pain they will be funny colors. I'm not sure the colors will match the canisters but who cares.

I spent two hours at the police station looking at mug shots. Fat lot of good that did. It just made me 10 minutes late for the concert I paid $60.00 to go to.

Stupid me. I had the phone turned off almost immediately. ( I have/had 2 working phones, different #''s. I actually had 4 phones, gotta take the free ones they give ya. ) They didn't have the time to use it. If they had called somebody that would be a lead for the police to know who they might be. Damnit.

I got today off from work. I walked in and handed my supervisor, the big boss supervisor, the police report thingie. She looked at it and looked at my swollen face and excused me for the day. I'm not getting paid but I don't give a shit.

I talked to Arcturus last night. He thought I should take the day off, go see the doctor... I dunno. It doesn't really hurt, and I can't ever really hear out of that ear anyway. My face just feels very odd. If it's just a minor fracture what would they do for it anyway?

So here I sit waiting for my replacement phone and my pepper spray canisters to arrive, posting an entry with links and color! Sipping ice cold mint flavored vodka on the rocks at 2:00 in the afternoon. Did I mention that I make it all minty on my own? I use the mint that grows in my yard. Go me.

Indulge...

This was written weeks ago. I never posted it. I figured there was enough oddity going on around here. Somebody read it and it made them laugh. They said it was funny and I should post it. They were drunk at the time. I was drunk when I wrote it. I was drunk when this happened. I'm drunk now. This is my weekend 10/06/07

**WARNING** Straight Male Readers Leave Now.**

** This Post Contains Homosexual Content And Partial Nudity.**

Sometimes you need to indulge.


If you're going to do it you need to do it right. You need the proper eqipment.

You should to bring all the things you need with you. All of them. You never know...

You might need all sorts of things.

Come here.

You know you want to.


I wont hurt you. Unless you want me to.

It's not a sin... Unless you want it to be. Oh gosh, it's so hot in here.



Come on. Hop in. It's nice and warm.

I'll take care of you.

I'll take really good care of you.

I took really good care of Manuel. Such a sexy Hispanic man. He was part of the staff. He was finishing up my room when I checked in. I invited him to share my tub when his shift was over.

He was a bit rough... but it hurt so good. I can't show you his picture... he said no when I asked if I could.

He certainly knew what he was doing.

**DISCLAIMER**

Ok, there isn't any actual sex happening in those stupid pictures. Not with anyone. Not even myself. I just rolled around on the king size bed and tried to make porno looking faces as I took pictures.

There really was a hot guy named Manuel making up my room. I wasn't brave enough to offer him use of my tub, a blowjob and a case of beer. I wonder if Manuel actually does do that sort of thing to make tips?

"Inexpensive Day Rates" Well, we all know what that means.

"I need to freshen up before my client meeting in two hours."
"How long do you need Sir?" **wink, wink**

I spent the whole time drinking, soaking in that tub and jerking off. I did clean it. I cleaned the whole room! Even after my pornfest I'm sure it's cleaner than when I got there. That tub probably hasn't been that clean since it's installation. I spent about eight hours in it (randomly spaced intervals) . My back hurt. My legs hurt. Can we say Charlie-Horse kids? I needed a jacuzzi tub.

I did go get a haircut. He's such a "fabulous" man! The cut isn't so good this time. I need to give it a day or two I think. This is the hair guy who was asking about my tats last time. He didn't need to volunteer the information that his are on his butt!! Maybe he was hoping I'd ask to see them. Hmmm... He's not bad looking. No, his accent would get on my nerves eventually.

I think we need to play what's in that picture. I did take this. Just now. It's all my stuff. I didn't really take all that there with me. No, I haven't cloned my willy, nor do I intend to. There will be no fabulous prize.

Damn you!

Damn you! Damn you all!!! You have no idea what you've done!

He doesn't understand why you hate him so when he loves me so much.

It got terribly quiet, so I went looking for him. Joe? Honey, where are you? I finally found him on the deck. Joey, are ok? He was all bundled up in a blanket, drinking, sitting in the rain.

All he could do was cry.

"Why don't they understand Bryan? Why is my love for you so shameful? I just don't get it!!"

Then he started to scream like a mental patient and vomit.


Shame on you. Shame on all of you for judging his love for me.

I found...

**updated! 11:00 pm!! See below.**

a very strange man in my shower when I got home from work today.

He said his name was Joe. Big Joe.



















He wasn't very big, about five feet six. I think he's a transexual. He had a vagina. **gasp**



















I found his penis by the sink. I took it with me, I thought I'd introduce it to mine, it's detachable you know.

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time, it's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes. But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell
used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted $22, but I talked him down to $17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass......I like having a detachable penis!

King Missile - Detachable Penis

They didn't get along though. He was too rigid. My guy is flexible. That's him on the left. He's such a friendly fellow.

Seriously, I don't know that anyone would be able to use this thing for what it's supposedly intended for. I couldn't figure out how you could attach the penis to it.

I didn't actually try to make "friends" with it, I can't very well hand him to my friend in used condition. Ewwwwww!!

I did insert my fingers into the openings... you sure as hell couldn't actually fuck the stupid thing, it just wouldn't work really, even if you used plenty of lubricant. I guess the dick is functional. I wouldn't use it tho.

A gag gift is all it's really good for I wouldn't even try to use it to carpool.

It certainly looks nothing like the man on the box!

**Update!!**

I guess I need to order her a new one. This one is a tiny bit soiled. Not much. Just a tiny bit. I can't very well give my friend an abused Big Joe can I?

I needed to do a scientific study. A consumer report if you wish. He was staring at me with his "come hither" eyes. Taunting me. Take me you nasty man!!! So I did. He squealed with plasticy delight and begged for more! "Fuck me Bryan! You know how I like it!"

That's just my arm in that picture. Nothing is quite really going on. I have his sexy legs pinned behind his head and he's begging me not to stop.

Nope. The mouth is unuseable. His vagina was sort of pleasant, so was his butt. I couldn't finish. Bastard blamed it on my inadaquacies. Can you believe that shit?!?!? We just didn't get along. We've agreed to see other people.

Now what the hell do I do with a mildly soiled sex doll? **snicker** Maybe I'll stick him in a Salvation Army donation box! Ooohhh! It's almost time for the Holiday Toy Drive at work! Possibilities abound!

LOL!

If you can't see it click it.

Tee Hee!!

I just placed an order. It's not all for me. It really isn't. It was by request. =)

Classic Dong White. That's for me. I admit it. Shut your pie hole.

I don't think the ben-wa balls would do me any good. Big Joe could be fun. I shall have to inspect him before he goes off to his new home. I might actually want one.

I can't imagine that this inflateable thing looks like the picture on the box.

The BIG JOE DOLL is a Life-Size Doll with a 7 Inch Removable c*ck and 2 Love Passages: Wide Open Mouth and Inviting Anus!!! BIG JOE's Life-Like Mannequin Face is ruggedly handsome, and his piercing eyes seem to be saying, "I want you Hot & Nasty"!!!

I didn't see anything about an optional bicycle pump. Surely you must need one. I'm not going to spend all day blowing one of these up!

Velcro Closure C*ck Strap??????? What on earth does my friend want that for??? I'm not so old that I need help keeping it up just yet. I guess it's a gag gift for a bachlorette party, along with the Joe doll, but...

Hello. I'm buying stuff on an adult web site that sells all sorts of things. They won't say cock? Please. What the hell do they think people are gonna do with it? Choke their chickens? Get involved in an illegal cockfight? WTF?

Clorox

I need yet another break from my life... and (almost) everybody and everything else.

I think I'm going to rent a room this weekend. I need a Jacuzzi tub. I hurt. My legs are killing me (so is my back). Can you spell "Charlie Horse" kids? Come on, I know you can!

Yay!!! You did it! Good for you!!!

Unfortunately I don't drive. The nearest hotel/motel with a tub like that I could find (on a convenient bus route) is kinda one of those rent by the hour places. I've slept in worse places. Some really odd places. I've never been homeless but I have slept under overpasses, in abandoned cars, graveyards and the like. It's just simpler sometimes.

Sleeping in the graveyard was nice. It was peaceful. Nobody was going to be mean to me there. I'm sure the residents enjoyed the company. The shitty part of it was that the people who dared me to sleep there all went home. It was too creepy for them. Camera phones were non existent then, I have no actual proof I did sleep there. I know I did...

So do the dead people if they were still hanging about.

These are from that cemetary.

Expensive stays at the Mariott aren't always necessary... especially if it's only me. Sometimes you need to indulge though.

I've been known to wear a plastic garbage bag as a raincoat. Does that make me nuts? It fits nicely in my backpack. It could work as shelter of sorts. If somebody needs a trash bag for some reason, I have one.

I can help hide evidence. Give you a bag to put your dead feline in. Help carry all the money you robbed from the bank. If there's a sudden downpour you'd be thrilled to have my trash bag.

We could possibly share it to keep warm if we needed to..... I need to get one of those aluminum foil looking "space blankets" as well. I can wrap it in my trash bag and carry it around with me.

I do change the trash bag. It does need to be used sometimes. "Hey! Does anybody have a plastic bag?" I got it covered. Next I need to learn how to rub sticks together and make fire... eh, why bother, I usually have two or three lighters with me. I constantly misplace them.... then I suddenly have six all at once because I found the one I left on the desk, the one I left on the fridge... yadda yadda.

First I need to get some clorox or something if I'm gonna stay at that motel and use one of their jacuzzi tubs. Who knows what disgusting things went on in there. I need to clean the darned thing first.

I must seem horribly morbid. Sorry about that. While looking for the cemetary pics I have I found some terribly bad video I took at an ice show so I threw it up... **barf** Enjoy. Yes, that is Chris Issac singing (If you can actually hear it). Yes, that is him performing in the corner of the ice rink (If you squint your eyes and can actually manage to kind of see something). The whole mess was televised. I have tape of it. Much better quality video. Amazing how the arena looked packed on the telecast. It wasn't. I was there for the whole thing..... I even stayed to watch them do all the reshoots because people fucked up. Interesting seeing the real thing and what they want you to see.

It happens all the time. Something happens one way, you get shown another.




Hmmm. ^^^^ that's fine on my one computer. A mess, but fine. It's all off to the side on this one. No idea why. You'll just have to deal with it, or not.

Fuck this title shit. I'm not in the mood.

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say..........

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday..........

And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.......

That's how I feel. How I always did.

No, I didn't write that, so don't give me shit. I'm not pretending it's mine. Go fuck yourselves and look it up yourselves.